The BEST souvenir ever!

OK, so you traveled to the World Pork Expo with your buddies, Jim and Larry, and you're thinking what should I bring home to the special lady in my life? The one who had to feed all the pigs while I was gone.

I know, you think, I bet she would LOVE a World Pork Expo thong.

Yes, some poor woman who helped her husband save the money to make the journey to Des Moines; some woman who stayed behind, put on her hip waders and hauled buckets of feed through muck; some poor, poor woman who JUST CAN'T GET THAT SMELL OUT OF HER HAIR.

That woman is going to greet her her man upon his return and receive a World Pork Expo thong.

It's a little known fact of farm life that animals know when their official farmer is out of town. It's why the cows only get out when the only people home are eight-months-pregnant me and my mother-in-law who bravely faces what she has determined is a snake-infested pasture (think Indiana Jones amount of snakes here) to save the farm and her unborn grandchild.

While the farmer is away the ancient sheep develop new wanderlust and the cows get struck by lightening (true story).

My point here is that the woman who stayed behind while husband went to the World Pork Expo didn't just manage the farm. She probably dealt with troubles never seen before on their acreage.

And her thanks for this, her token of gratitude for the sacrifices she made is a new yardstick picked up at the trade show and a World Pork Expo thong.

Now you know why I went along on the trip.